The Roommate Chronicles
by TheGirlWhoRemembers
Summary: Making a hot tub out of a vacuum cleaner and a kiddie pool? Tricking out the grill so that it can cook pastrami in only half an hour? Life's never boring when you live with Mac, so of course Bozer, being an avid storyteller, shares these interesting, hilarious moments with his Tumblr followers.
1. The Ultron Possibility

AN: Essentially because I think that there's no way Bozer could blog about his life with Mac in canon (because of security concerns), this is set in the _Just Another Patriotic Guy_ universe. However, almost all of these little snippets can stand alone (and could fit into canon pre-1.12, Screwdriver, except for the aforementioned security concerns), so there is no need to actually read _Just Another Patriotic Guy_. Also, this is completely and utterly different in tone from _Just Another Patriotic Guy_ \- this entire story is fluffy humour and silliness. There is literally not a single drop of angst or whump or hurt/comfort or reference to any of the dark/sad happenings in _Just Another Patriotic Guy_.

All you need to know about this universe for this story is that the Phoenix Foundation is actually a think-tank, and it is located in Washington D.C instead of LA. Mac, Jack, Riley and Thornton all work for the Phoenix. Bozer is still a cook/filmmaker. He and Mac live together in an apartment in D.C. Also, as this universe was created before 1.12, Screwdriver, and it's also a universe in which they're not secret agents, no-one is a traitor and Nikki is simply Mac's ex-girlfriend.

Some chapters make more reference than that to _Just Another Patriotic Guy_ ; I will mark those chapters in ANs at the beginning of them. (In fact, I'll just mark all the chapters- whether they can standalone or not, whether they are obviously in this AU, whether they could fit into canon pre-Screwdriver when you ignore the security concerns- I'll mark those as canon-compliant.)

This one is standalone, canon-compliant. For readers of _Just Another Patriotic Guy_ , this is set just after You Can Move a Mountain.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

I got home from a LONG, LONG shift today, to find that in my absence, my roomie's gone on a Science!bender. (He does that sometimes. It's not as bad as, say, the MCU's Science Bros, I mean, he hasn't created a homicidal AI…yet…but they can get a little intense.)

He watches a lot of YouTube videos, and he reads a lot of books and other things on the internet. Sometimes, he can get a little caught up in them. Or, well, lots more than a little, really.

This time, he spent my entire eight-hour shift (and it's a Saturday, by the way, so this was how he spent his Saturday- I love my bro, but he's got a weird concept of a good time) watching a series of YouTube videos relating to something to do with FARMING (!?) and then doing some experiments. (He used the potatoes that I was planning to make into rosti for dinner so we're going to be ordering in some takeout instead. TBH he might have done that on purpose- not that he doesn't love my cooking!- because this morning he said he was craving Thai food…)

I'm not entirely sure what he was doing exactly, because when I got home, he was asleep on the couch and still is (I have to go get him off it once I've finished this post, since it's got terrible lumbar support), and I had a glance at his laptop (hence knowing about the six or so hours of YouTube) and his notes. All I can make out (his handwriting is awful when he's on one of these benders) is Green Revolution, superdwarf, harvest index, increased leaf area ratio, OsNAS2 rice, biofortification, deoxymugineic acid and constitutive promoters. Science Side of Tumblr- help me out! Is my roomie pulling an Ultron, or is it all going to be okay? (If it helps, it might have something to do with _The Martian_? He loves that book and since the movie's coming out soon, it's been on his mind…)

#science side of tumblr #my roomie is weird #but I love him #science!bender #farming #potatoes #the martian #my roomie is watney #IMHO


	2. The Cleanliness Dilemma

AN: Standalone, canon-compliant. For readers of _Just Another Patriotic Guy_ this is set between You Can Move a Mountain and A Heart of Steel.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

So I came home from work today to find that my roomie's made us a hot tub.

Out of a kiddie pool and a vacuum cleaner!

The good news: it's AMAZING. SERIOUSLY AMAZING. BEST THING EVER after a long day on my feet and all.

The bad news: We haven't got a vacuum cleaner anymore.

#hot tub #shopping list #my roomie the mad scientist #my roomie is crazy #but I love him


	3. The Brisket Glitch

AN: Standalone, canon-compliant. For readers of _Just Another Patriotic Guy,_ this is set after A Heart of Steel.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

Guess who can now make his INCREDIBLE pastrami in only HALF AN HOUR?

That's right, yours truly!

My roomie's finally finished doing his thing to our grill (there were a couple of days of him muttering about collagen denaturation and playing with the grill, an alarm clock, a meat thermometer and lots of his odds and ends, and three nights ago he was blowtorching hunks of brisket…), and I can seriously make amazing pastrami in only half an hour.

Maybe I should get him to go commercial on this one…you guys would buy it, right?

Once he's worked out how to fix that little catching fire glitch, of course…

#grill #barbecue #pastrami #deliciousness #my roomie the mad scientist #my roomie is a genius #my roomie is crazy #but I love him #he's not perfect #but he's damn close


	4. The Wardrobe Makeover

AN: Standalone, canon-compliant.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

So, my roomie got it into his head to try and improve our laundry detergent.

He made up this stuff that he says is going to remove any and all stains without any of that pre-soaking/scrubbing/dab-this-paste-on-it nonsense, and make our whites five shades whiter.

Because usually his stuff turns out pretty good, and 'cause he's my bro and I'm always supportive of my bro, I used it.

Guess who is now the proud owner of an entire load of laundry's worth of clothes in various shades of pink?

#I need to go shopping #clothes shopping #science fail #my roomie the mad scientist #my roomie is crazy #my roomie messed up #but I love him

UPDATE: He bought me my favourite pizza and beer and he's standing in front of me apologizing with puppy-dog eyes and offering to pay to replace my clothes.

I can't be mad.

I just can't.

HE'S A PUPPY! A BIG BLONDE PUPPY!

#all good #my roomie the puppy #so adorkable


	5. The Blender Boredom-Buster

AN: Standalone, canon-compliant. The absolutely amazing helloyesimhere has created an actual Tumblr blog for Bozer based off this! Check it out- the tag/name is movie-magician-n-waffle-wizard. You can also find it from her Tumblr, which is hi-im-hawkeye.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

So, my roomie got bored the other day.

Now, that doesn't happen all too often, since he's got a gigantic brain and an imagination about the same size as Jupiter, and I love him, but I'm SO GLAD that it doesn't happen all that often.

When normal people get bored, they might watch some Netflix or go out with friends or eat or something like that.

My roomie turned our blender into a helicopter and is now flying it around our place…apparently it's fruit-powered?

#blender #helicopter #shopping list #boredom #my roomie the mad scientist #my roomie is crazy #my roomie is weird #but I love him #no smoothies for breakfast tomorrow #sad face

UPDATE: Well, we don't need to buy a new blender, because he turned it back…somehow…

#smoothies for breakfast tomorrow #all good #no shopping needed #recycling? #up-cycling?


	6. The Ersatz Flashback

AN: Standalone, but definitely in the _Just Another Patriotic Guy_ AU. For readers of that story, this is set immediately after A Long Way From Where We Began. For everyone who hasn't been reading it, Bozer has since quit his job as a cook and is now a full-time filmmaker and he and Riley are in a relationship. His filmmaking career is beginning to take off (slowly).

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

Me and my computer goddess and my roomie and the old man headed back to me and my roomie's hometown (We've been BFFs since the 5th grade!) a few days ago (and I had a couple of meetings with some studios in LA!).

Seriously, there's no place like home. It hasn't changed a bit!

And while we were there, he met his gender-swapped mini-me!

Like really gender-swapped mini-me. The kid talks about engines and pinning and cold techniques versus hot techniques and hydrogen fuel cells and nichrome wire and all this other stuff that goes WAY over my head.

Just like my roomie did when he was twelve and in the 8th grade like her.

And now they're exchanging emails and he's being all mentor-y and big brotherly…

*sniffles*

#my roomie the puppy #nostalgia #so adorkable #science siblings #genius siblings #let's be real #he's totes adopted her


	7. The Medication Mystery

AN: Standalone. Arguably canon-compliant, assuming that Bozer can take leave from the Phoenix to look after Mac and/or is ordered to do so because Mac is a terrible patient/does not look after himself when ill.

For readers of _Just Another Patriotic Guy,_ this is set after A Long Way From Where We Began.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle Wizard:

So my roomie caught a really, really bad cold/flu, so I've spent the last few days playing nurse to him (more Florence Nightingale than Nurse Ratched, of course), which is why I haven't really been around. (He's a terrible, terrible patient. Kept trying to go to work despite the fact that he couldn't get himself out of bed and was running a temperature and was so congested he could barely speak. And despite the fact that his pretty-scary boss lady told him to STAY HOME and REST.)

I gave him some cold/flu medication (a different brand than usual since I couldn't find our usual), and it had some interesting effects…

So you know how I've told you that my roomie makes these trinkets/talismans/charms/symbols out of paperclips?

Well, this medication had some really, really weird effects on him…

Here's a list of some of the things that he made while hopped up on this stuff:

\- A hexagon (he says it's a benzene ring)

\- The letter i (he insists it's an imaginary number?!)

\- A bathtub (WTH?)

\- A flying saucer (might be my fault, I showed him the final cut of my latest movie which has a monster from outer space in it)

\- A couple of fairies (I don't even know…)

\- Some Pokemon (I blame the old man; he called him a Geekachu and started off a whole spiral into the world of Pokemon- my roomie's got an insane imagination and a ludicrous curiosity…)

\- Half a dozen other things I don't even recognize…

#paperclips #my roomie is crazy #my roomie is a terrible patient #but I love him

* * *

AN: Yes, I made a meta joke about my own fanfic. (I have a couple of running gags, because I like to try and be funny and clever!)


	8. The Potato Sack Revelation

AN: I tried to make these quite standalone, with Bozer providing enough extrapolation for you to follow what's going on. I am not sure if I have succeeded…so this one might not make a huge amount of sense if you haven't read _Just Another Patriotic Guy,_ though it might still be amusing if you haven't? For readers of that story, this is set just during/after Love is Like a Solider.

For those who've read _Paperclip Charms_ , I guess in addition to the information about this AU that I've put in the ANs to date, all you need to know is that in this AU, Beth didn't go to MIT so she and Mac don't know each other from college. They are, instead, pen-pals (well, they write emails to each other instead of letters).

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

I spent all day (since like 6 am!) out and about working on my latest project (and I was totally inspired while I was in New York for a wedding a couple of weeks ago; I've got the ending to my next project all planned out! Stay tuned!), and when I got home, I discovered that my roomie's gone all Fashion Week on me.

Seriously.

He's a mechanic and a physicist and an engineer and a chemist all rolled into a blonde human puppy, but I did _not_ think that fashion designer was one of his skills. (He has terrible dress sense; as my computer goddess says, he dresses like a grandpa. Even the old man agrees with us!)

He made a dress (like actually quite a pretty dress) out of paperclips, duct tape and a potato sack. A POTATO SACK. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A POTATO SACK!? WHERE DOES ONE BUY POTATO SACKS?!

So of course I asked him whether he's going to take up something like cat-herding or polish poop or make a lead balloon next, and he just looks at me and says that they already did that on _Mythbusters_.

So then I asked him WHY he made a potato sack dress in the first place, and apparently it's an inside joke of some kind with his pen-pal…

Now, he's been writing her since last year, and I was sure they were just friends a couple of months ago…but maybe something's changed?

#potato sack #dress #mythbusting #my roomie the fashion designer #my roomie is crazy #but I love him #friends to lovers? #pen-pals to lovers? #new OTP? #you've got mail

UPDATE: He's now attempting to incorporate a TURKEY BASTER into the dress for his pen-pal, because apparently it's a part of the inside joke…

#my roomie is weird #so is his girl #let's be real #she's totes his girl #even if they don't know it yet #river in egypt #friends to lovers #new OTP

* * *

AN: For those who are reading _Just Another Patriotic Guy-_ Of course, neither Mac nor Bozer is a reliable narrator; each of their perspectives is biased in some way. The truth almost certainly lies somewhere in the middle…


	9. The IKEA Adventure

AN: Standalone, essentially canon-compliant, assuming that Bozer still has some time to work on films despite his new job at the Phoenix.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

My roomie and I went to IKEA today.

It was an…experience.

Like seriously, IKEA is always a little bit of an adventure. (I think I'm getting the beginnings of a new short film idea! _Lost in IKEA_ , anyone?)

But it's always even more interesting with my roomie. ( _Everything's_ always more interesting with my roomie, TBH.)

He's got this weird thing for IKEA.

I really don't get it, but he does. Something about it being really cool what they manage to flat-pack?

I don't know…but he's currently in the living room happily assembling our new flat-pack coffee table (he used our last one for one of his projects- he made the old man a Dallas Cowboys American Football Foosball table for his birthday, somehow…).

Oh, that reminds me! I've created a recipe for knock-off IKEA Swedish meatballs- I'll post that next! Stay tuned for meaty, delicious Swedish goodness!

#my roomie is crazy #but I love him #IKEA #shopping #furniture shopping #coffee table #flat packs #swedish meatballs


	10. The Breakfast Blow-Up

AN: Standalone, essentially canon-compliant, assuming that Bozer still has some time to work on films despite his new job at the Phoenix. For readers of _Just Another Patriotic Guy,_ this is set after the end of that story.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

I was out really late last night filming a couple of night scenes for my latest movie, so I slept in really late this morning, and I woke up to find that my roomie had made me breakfast!

He made me PANCAKES. My roomie makes AMAZING pancakes. They were DELICIOUS. (I seriously have the best roomie and the best best friend ever!)

But him being him, he of course didn't make them the normal way, you know, on the stove with a frypan or on a griddle.

No, he used his PANCAKE-MAKING TOASTER.

Like seriously, it's a toaster…that makes pancakes.

It looks an awful lot like a normal toaster (it did used to be one, before he did his thing to it). You pour the batter into the slots, and press a button, and then a couple of minutes later, it shoots out perfectly-cooked pancakes.

Most of the time.

Sometimes, it just shoots out the batter for some reason.

(He doesn't know why; apparently the one he made back in college didn't do that, so he's still trying to work out what went wrong…but I'm pretty sure that he also thinks it's pretty cool that it does that, TBH.)

#breakfast #pancakes #my roomie is the best #my roomie the mad scientist #my roomie is crazy #my roomie is weird #but I love him

UPDATE: There is no longer pancake batter on our ceiling! (Thanks to my roomie!)

#cleaning #my roomie the puppy

* * *

AN: Yes, I insist on featuring Mac's pancake-making toaster in as many of my stories as possible. If I remember correctly, it has appeared in some fashion in all of my stories except for _Permutations_ and _Two Paperclips and a Stick of Gum_ (to date, maybe I'll work it into a later one-shot in that series!).


	11. The Backstory Hilarity

AN: This one, although firmly in the _Just Another Patriotic Guy_ AU, since it gives a little more of Beth's (or my roomie's girl, as Bozer calls her in his posts) backstory, should make sense even if you haven't read either read _Paperclip Charms_ or _Just Another Patriotic Guy._ For readers of _Just Another Patriotic Guy,_ this is set after the end of that story. For readers of _Paperclip Charms_ (which I have just realized is my most popular _MacGyver_ fic to date, for reasons unknown), you can assume that Beth has the same backstory in that universe and similar events to the ones described below happened in that universe at some point.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

So, today, me, my computer goddess, my roomie and my roomie's girlfriend/former pen-pal went out on a double-date, and I learned all about my roomie's girl's backstory!

Now, you all know that even if my roomie's a great guy (the best!), he wasn't exactly a rule-abiding student back in school. You know, there were a couple of incidents involving the police, some (accidental) destruction of school property, he got kicked out of the Boy Scouts, only got a C in Biology because he couldn't be bothered doing the homework…

Well, turns out that his girl was a goody-two-shoes back in school. You know, won all her science fairs without breaking into the school's labs after hours, never dropped below an A, didn't burn down school property, didn't piss off half the teachers...

So of course I had to tease my roomie about it (HOW COULD I RESIST? It's a twist on the good girl/bad boy trope!). Here's his response:

My roomie: Cations and anions attract. So do opposite poles of magnets. Opposite charges attract. *shrugs and smirks* Good girls and bad boys? That's practically a law of physics.

Me: So [old man/boss lady]…that might be meant to be according to SCIENCE?

My roomie: *snorts* I'm not sold yet, but I see where you and [my computer goddess] are coming from.

#double date #backstory #my computer goddess is always right #opposites attract #it's a law of physics #good girl #bad boy #science style #nerd style #OTP #school days

* * *

 **To: Beth Taylor**

You weren't as Little Miss Perfect as you were making yourself out to be to Bozer, were you?

* * *

 **To: Riley Davis**

Well, of course I wouldn't have not done my homework, or have done anything that was likely to destroy school property, or have broken into the school…but I'm pretty sure that my Junior chem teacher secretly hated me. And I once ruined a couple of glasses because I forgot that if you run electricity through salt water, you produce an acid…

* * *

 **To: Beth Taylor**

That's nothing compared to Mac and you know it. So he really is corrupting you. ;)

* * *

 **To: Riley Davis**

We're adults and we can destroy as much of our own property as we wish. Besides, I think he mellowed a bit with age, and I'm far less goody-two-shoes now.

And to be fair to Mac, he didn't have a biomedical engineer for a dad or a chem professor for a mom to help him channel his inner mad scientist. And I was always more of a bio/chem type, rather than physics/chem/engineering.

* * *

 **To: Beth Taylor**

Sure, sure. Still – good girl/bad boy. (Hey, he does wear a leather jacket!) ;) And INNER mad scientist? INNER?!

* * *

 **To: My Computer Goddess**

Riley, baby, what do you think about doing Grease for our group costume for Halloween?

* * *

 **To: Bozer**

On one hand- ugh. Changing yourself for a man = not healthy. On the other hand- HELL YEAH, it'll be so much fun. We'll have to take SO many photos for posterity. I'm guessing we're going to have a Danny, a Sandy, a Kenickie and a Rizzo, but who's Jack going to be? Coach Calhoun?

* * *

AN: Credit to Tinkerbella for the reason why Mac only got a C in Biology. I personally do not really like the whole good girl/bad boy or opposites attract mentality with relationships- I firmly believe that people need to be sufficiently alike (particularly in terms of things like key values and morals) for a relationship to work out, but I also firmly believe that people need to have some differences and some ways of balancing each other out or it also wouldn't work out. I hope that comes through in my writing! (Having said that, it's a fun trope to play around with and seems like something Bozer would find amusing…)


	12. The PiePi Confusion

AN: This one might not make a huge amount of sense (though it might still be cute and amusing, hopefully) unless you've either read _Paperclip Charms_ or _Just Another Patriotic Guy._ For readers of _Just Another Patriotic Guy,_ this is set after the end of that story.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

I got home today to find my roomie and his girl in the kitchen making a pumpkin pie (in MARCH!?) with Pi (?) on it…

#pie #pumpkin pie #my roomie is crazy #my roomie is weird #so is his girl #but I love them #OTP

UPDATE: Apparently, March 14th (today) is Pi Day, so they're celebrating with pie with Pi.

#pi day #math #nerd love #science love #genius love

UPDATE: And now they're Skyping my roomie's gender-swapped mini-me to wish her happy Pi Day, and it's SO SWEET AND ADORKABLE I THINK I'M GONNA DIE!

#so adorkable #nerd family #science family #genius family #let's be real #they've totes adopted her

* * *

AN: Because nerdiness (and craziness) increases exponentially with an increase in the number of nerds/crazy people.


	13. The Date Night Experiment

AN: This one is firmly in the _Just Another Patriotic Guy_ AU; I think it is still amusing if you haven't read that, but it makes more sense if you have. For readers of _Just Another Patriotic Guy,_ this is set after the end of that story.

Also, very mild implied adult content in this chapter, frankly less than what we see in the show, in my opinion.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

My roomie and his girl went out on a special date night last night, so being the good bro I am, I decided to spend the evening/night in my room, working on my latest script with noise-cancelling headphones on (my computer goddess is visiting her mom; I was going to go with her but I've got a meeting with a studio exec here in D.C in two days!).

But at about 1 am, I got really, really hungry, so I decided to pop into the kitchen for a snack (I figured it was safe, since, you know, 1 am and all…), only to find my roomie and his girl there…doing experiments with stain removal and cleaning products.

That's not some weird euphemism or something.

That's what they were literally doing.

Like, they got the bleach, the vinegar, the baking soda, every kind of detergent we own, some lemons, the cornstarch, the baby powder, the vodka and all sorts of other things out, and they had all of these bowls and jars and plates of mixtures in front of them. They were even rubbing spinach on fabric to simulate grass stains so they could test those mixes, and they dug out that frypan I ruined last week because I was *distracted* to test stuff on that!

Apparently it all started because he accidentally spilt red wine on her dress at the restaurant and they were trying to get the stain out, and it all snowballed from there?!

#cleaning #stain removal #they fixed my frypan #miracle #my roomie is crazy #my roomie is weird #so is his girl #OTP #so adorkable #science genius love

UPDATE: My roomie wishes it to be known that he, unlike *someone* does not get *distracted* in *that* way in our kitchen.

I wish it to be known that that's only happened once...that he knows of…and he's never going to know any differently, because he's never going to catch us again…my computer goddess will make sure of it, at least.

#awkward #I love him #we're best bros #but some things I don't want to know #or hear #or see #he says it's very mutual #we need brain bleach #he could probably invent that

* * *

AN: Yes, poor Mac has walked in on Bozer and Riley making out in the kitchen. Bozer walked in on Mac and Beth doing science in the kitchen. I think Mac got the raw end of the deal…


	14. The Dual-Purpose Orangutan Incident

AN: Pretty much completely standalone (though a couple of previous chapters of this fic are referenced), but definitely in the _Just Another Patriotic Guy_ AU. For readers of _Just Another Patriotic Guy,_ this is set after the end of that story.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

Got home from my meeting with the studio exec (I can't say much, but let's just say that it was an AWESOME meeting and stay tuned, okay?) to find my roomie in the living room surrounded by boxes of paperclips, making an orangutan mom and baby out of them.

Like, paperclip art isn't exactly new for him, but this level of paperclip sculpture? That's kind of normal him gone all turbo-charged…

I mean, it's really good and all (like REALLY good, straight out of a David Attenborough doco good), but I should probably check that he hasn't taken some of that cold/flu medication again…

#orangutan #sir david #paperclips #sculpting #my roomie is crazy #but I love him

UPDATE: He hasn't taken any of the medication, and apparently the sculpture is for a fundraiser for a local shelter for domestic violence survivors. They're going to auction it off (and I reckon it's going to make a bucket-load of cash for a good cause!). It's orangutans because they're such protective and amazing and dedicated moms (just like my computer goddess's mom!), and he says that it's dual-purpose because it's also raising awareness about deforestation and habitat destruction and environmental protection.

MY ROOMIE IS A PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLL TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD!

#save the orangutans #palm oil #WWF #survivors #respect #no more #good cause #he's not perfect #but he's damn close


	15. The Hippocrates Adoption

AN: Decently standalone, I think. This one could technically also fit into the _Paperclip Charms_ AU, after the end _._ For readers of _Just Another Patriotic Guy,_ this is set after the end of that story.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

My roomie's just adopted a dog (well, technically, his girl adopted a dog- the dog lives with her- but it's really their dog).

When he was a kid, he had this dog called Archimedes. (And he loved that dog SO MUCH.)

Guess what they've named their new dog?

Hippocrates.

(She's a doctor.)

Now, when they have an actual baby (instead of a fur baby), I'm pretty sure they're going to name the kid Pythagoras or Aristotle or something like that. (Or maybe not, my roomie's got a pretty weird first name, though I can't really talk, so maybe he won't do that to his kid…) Anyway- maybe it's time to start a betting pool?

#puppy has a puppy #betting pool #fur baby #my roomie is weird #so is his girl #OTP

* * *

AN: Three questions- one, did anyone else notice that everyone from Mac and Bozer's school days seems to have a (supposedly) really unusual first name except for Penny? (Angus, Wilt, Darlene, Donnie…) Two, why in the world would Mac get bullied for being called Angus, given his classmates? (Although, I have a tendency to miss nuances in social cues and the like, apparently, so it's entirely possible that Bozer was deflecting from the real reason in Pliers and I just didn't notice…) Three, is Angus actually an unusual/weird first name in the US? (I know at least four people called Angus and no-one I know thinks they have an odd name…)


	16. The Mad Chef Surprise

AN: I think this one stands alone fairly well, but it makes more sense if you have read either _Just Another Patriotic Guy_ or _Paperclip Charms._ For readers of _Just Another Patriotic Guy,_ this is set after the end of that story. For those who've read _Paperclip Charms_ , since the Phoenix Foundation is actually a think-tank in this AU, Beth doesn't work there because they have no need for a doctor; she works in the ER at Bethesda in Maryland.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

So last night we had a big party at me and my roomie's place, had all our friends over and all, since it's the start of SUMMER!

Now, my roomie promised us (and he never breaks his promises!) that he had a really awesome surprise for us.

In fact, apparently, he was so keen on making it a surprise that he decided to prepare most of it over at his girl's place, so that I wouldn't see it. (Apparently since she's had a pretty crazy shift schedule the last couple of days, she wouldn't see it either AND he could cook her meals and the like too while he was there, so win-win.)

(Isn't he such an adorkable puppy?)

So imagine our surprise when he brings out safety glasses, a lab coat and a canister of liquid nitrogen!

(Okay, okay, maybe part of it was my fault…I was watching this show with a crazy British chef- have you heard of Heston? He makes Alton Brown look sane- and my roomie happened to catch a few minutes of it, and next thing I know, he's muttering about ice crystal size and rate of formation…)

We were all a little confused at first (well, except his girl because apparently her mom's students do this in summer too) and not-miss-moneypenny, whom you might all recognize from a few of my works, thought he might have finally lost his marbles, at least until he brought out the ice cream base and an array of toppings and flavourings. (We've all seen enough Food Network to connect the dots at that point!)

LIQUID NITROGEN ICE CREAM TASTES AMAZING!

Like seriously- that mouthfeel? INCREDIBLE.

And it turns out my roomie makes a mean ice cream base- who knew? (Apparently watching Heston gave him *ideas* and reminded him of this little tradition that the MIT chem students have- every summer, they make liquid nitrogen ice cream! Any chem students- is this a universal thing? 'Cause apparently Purdue chem students like to do it too, according to my roomie's girl…)

And weirdly enough, he has really traditional taste in ice cream flavours (of all the things to do normally, bro!)- come on, bro, maple-bacon-banana is THE BEST! You can keep your chocolate and your vanilla and your strawberry, maple-bacon-banana is where it's at!

Anyway, it was a great party and a great night. Not just thanks to my roomie (hey, I'm taking credit for all the other food, and great company's half the party anyway, right?), but he definitely deserves a good pat on the back and lots of hugs for this one!

#ice cream #liquid nitrogen #liquid nitrogen ice cream #my roomie the mad scientist #my roomie the puppy #his love language is mad science and weird gadgets and custom thingamajigs #IMHO #college days #chem students #chemistry #summer #heston #alton brown #OMG #I should totes enter him in cutthroat kitchen #he's not very cutthroat #but he could totes handle any sabotage #cutthroat kitchen

* * *

AN: Inspired completely by the fact that the PhD student I work with told me a story about the time he and some of his friends (who work in the labs next to the one we're in) made maple-bacon-banana ice cream using liquid nitrogen. (He claims it was delicious, but he's also enjoyed mustard ice cream, so I don't know whether to trust his judgement…) Also, if anyone writes a fic in which, somehow, Mac ends up on and wins Cutthroat Kitchen, I will love you forever.


	17. The Popcorn Wars

AN: The rest of the chapters for this fic all tie in to one another a lot, and serve as an epilogue of sorts for _Just Another Patriotic Guy._ I think they do make a fair bit of sense as a standalone story, however…I hope.

They were written to satisfy my need for Team-as-Family fluff after 1.12, Screwdriver and my desire for everything to go back to what it was before it!

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

So last night was our semi-regular family movie night (that means me, my computer goddess, my roomie, his girl, the old man, and lately, my roomie's boss lady's been joining us…my computer goddess and me are totally right about her and the old man, IMHO), and we had a _Die Hard_ marathon!

Now, any proper movie marathon's got to have plenty of snacks. Usually, I'm the one in charge, since I know my way around a kitchen the best of the whole family. (Though, my roomie and his girl ain't half bad- apparently cooking is just applied edible chemistry- and the boss lady's good at everything. I love my computer goddess to the moon and back, but cooking's so not her strong point, and the less said about the old man's culinary attempts, the better.)

But my roomie's come up with another one of his gadgets, and he really wanted to test it, and it was so appropriate for the situation (it's a popcorn maker that he's done his thing to), and you know he's pretty much a puppy…

Well, long story short, we tested it.

The good news: it makes AWESOME popcorn. Like, it even automatically flavours it for you. Salted caramel? No problem, just press this button. Plain butter? No problem, press that one. Cheddar cheese? Press that one. It does the whole thing for you, start to finish, and even DELIVERS THE POPCORN TO THE COUCH. (Or to anywhere within a fifty foot radius, apparently, as long as you've got the homing beacon on you, he says.)

The bad news: the quantity of popcorn that it makes needs a little tweaking.

Or maybe more than a little tweaking.

We all did our best, but the enemy was just too strong.

We were outnumbered. Even worse than the 300.

This morning, six bowls of popcorn remain.

Six _large_ bowls.

And I'm never eating popcorn again.

(My computer goddess insists that I'm going to eat my words within two weeks and that I include this statement in this post. See, I did it, baby- I love you!)

#popcorn #family movie night #die hard #bruce willis #john mcclane #my roomie the mad scientist #my roomie the puppy #science fail #my computer goddess is always right #love is in the air #happily ever after #can I have two OTPs?

UPDATE: My roomie and his girl are now doing some experiments on popcorn as a packing material (I guess it _is_ a shame to waste it) – I think I'm going to have to buy more eggs…

#shopping list #my roomie is weird #my roomie is crazy #so is his girl #but I love them #OTP

UPDATE: The old man and the boss lady showed up with coffee and bagels for breakfast and then the old man started a food fight by flinging a handful of popcorn at my roomie, and then one at my computer goddess…

He's well over forty- he is the _old_ man after all…sometimes I swear I'm the only sane one here, TBH. Well, me and the boss lady. (She _was_ the only one who didn't get involved, and now she's looking at us all fond and disapproving all at once…I think…she can be hard to read…)

#family food fight #mess #fun #cleaning

* * *

AN: Probably slightly OOC for everyone, but do remember that this is set in the _Just Another Patriotic Guy_ AU, which despite being somewhat darker than canon in some ways, in other ways, it is a much lighter, happier universe where it's easier for everyone to tell one another the truth, there are no traitors or threat of betrayal, and in general, everyone can be quite a bit closer and more light-hearted and gets their happily-ever-after eventually. (Since no-one is a secret agent and all.) In particular, in this universe, Thornton can be much closer to Mac, Jack, Riley and Bozer, because she doesn't have to make life-or-death calls regarding them. And of course Bozer isn't actually sane either…he just thinks he is.


	18. The Stiletto Conversation

AN: Follows on from the previous chapter. Very mild references to potential adult content, frankly less than what we see on the show, in my honest opinion.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

So last night (Saturday) the family got all dressed up fancy to go to a charity benefit gala ball (I won't say exactly what charity it was for and all to maintain the rest of the family's *secret* identities). Now, my computer goddess hates wearing dresses and heels, but she TOTALLY ROCKS them, not that she doesn't also look good in her civvies, of course. She looks good in everything, TBH- okay, okay, getting back on track.

So it was one of those fancy things with dancing, and of course we all took a turn on the dancefloor (me and my computer goddess have MOVES, even if I say so myself). So there the two of us are, dancing and low-key spying on the boss lady and the old man…and I realize that my roomie and his girl, who were dancing only a few minutes ago, are nowhere to be seen. Now, I wasn't really bothered at all (even if it sounds like it sometimes from these posts, they're not overgrown genius children who are always getting up to science-mischief; they really are fully-functional relatively-socially-adept adults, they're just a little *different* from most of us), so me and my computer goddess kept dancing/spying (I'm so winning the betting pool on the boss lady and the old man, IMHO).

But then we got back to our table…and there were my roomie and his girl. (I was beginning to think that they might have snuck off to a coat closet or something- I'm told my roomie rocks a tux, even if it really doesn't go with the grease under his nails.)

He was scribbling on a (paper) napkin, and they were talking about angles and velocities and force and heel length and thinness and sharp force trauma…

Apparently they were trying to determine if it is actually possible to stab someone with a stiletto heel…

At least they had the sense to talk about it quietly…so as to not get thrown out or arrested or something…

#ball #good cause #fancy #dresses #tuxes #night out #dancing #high heels #stilettos #both kinds #my roomie is weird #my roomie is crazy #so is his girl #but I love them #so adorkable #OTP

UPDATE: It's 10 am on Sunday morning and the old man hasn't showed with bagels yet, for the first time in AGES. (And he's never late- he and my roomie are vets, and they haven't shaken off the military hours.)

Us young 'uns (as the old man called us the other day- he's showing his age!) are eagerly awaiting how the boss lady and the old man are going to explain this away…or if they're even going to try.

#betting pool #I'm totes winning #OTP #I have two #so what #sue me #fight me

* * *

AN: Of course, Bozer is probably jumping to conclusions.


	19. The Guys' Day Enigma

AN: Follows on from the last two chapters.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

So today my computer goddess and my roomie's girl (my computer goddess keeps saying I need to come up with a better title for her, since, you know, defining her solely by her relationship to my roomie's kinda problematic, but I'm stuck) went and had brunch with the boss lady, and then went shopping with not-miss-moneypenny, so me, my roomie and the old man decided to have a guys' day.

We drove out to this warehouse space that we all pooled together to get my roomie for his birthday, so he can work on bigger projects, and we (well, more my roomie and the old man- being a mechanic's just not one of my talents, despite spending more than half my life with a master one) worked on this motorbike that he's been restoring (or more like rebuilding entirely, that thing was little more than a heap of assorted parts when he bought it).

TBH the motorbike wasn't all that interesting for me, but it was good to hang out with the guys! (Lots of fascinating conversations- no need for brain bleach, you dirty-minded people!- were had. Much teasing was done- still totally convinced that I'm going to win that betting pool! My roomie's always been the most sceptical of old man/boss lady, and I think even he's totally convinced now- maybe _Love, Veritably-_ one of my WIPs- might actually happen...pun unintended.)

And now we're back at me and my roomie's place, and my roomie's building a card tower (we were playing cards, but then the old man challenged my roomie to a card tower-building competition)- it's already like 5 feet tall (he beat both of us like 3 feet ago)…maybe he's going to set a new world record?

#guys day #motorbike #card tower #competition #my roomie is a genius #world record?

UPDATE: So the world's tallest card tower was like 25 feet tall, so maybe no new world record for my roomie…

Anyway, he's finally been thwarted…by the ceiling! (Apparently we have a lot more decks of cards than I thought we did…like a lot more…)

The old man is laughing his head off and taking photos. I'll try and get some off him for you guys!

#no new world record #sad face #where did all these cards come from?

UPDATE: So because my roomie never gives up and never surrenders, he's now going wider instead of taller…and apparently we have a LOT of decks of cards because he and his girl were at Wal-Mart the other day buying some stuff for Hippocrates and that Wal-Mart had some sort of crazy special on playing cards (I think it was something like buy a whole pallet and get them half-off…) and my roomie got inspired (apparently there are lots of uses for playing cards?!)…and, well, his girl's not exactly the most moderating influence regarding this sort of stuff, particularly if it isn't potentially dangerous (he's a MUCH better patient nowadays, though)…

He does occasionally make questionable purchases- like that gumball machine…

#my roomie never gives up #never give up #never surrender #galaxy quest #my roomie is crazy #my roomie is weird #so is his girl #house of cards #literally #impulse buy #my roomie style

* * *

AN: Because my brain is weird, the combination of Mac fixing a motorbike in Screwdriver, the fact that Mac and Bozer own a gumball machine and the fact that Sandrine Holt was apparently on a show called House of Cards (which people keep telling me to watch) combined to give me this.

 _Love, Veritably_ is the movie idea that Bozer mentions to Mac in Love is Like a Soldier in _Just Another Patriotic Guy._


	20. The Group Chat Confessions

AN: Special chapter! A series of group chats/texts on Riley's phone. This chapter is the flip-side/girls' side of the previous chapter.

This chapter contains relatively mild, entirely non-explicit references to/implications of adult content in the context of adult women in relationships teasing one another, which are probably more significant in this chapter than the previous chapters with this warning. It's probably not really any worse than what we see in certain episodes of the show.

* * *

You, Patricia, Beth:

 **Patricia Thornton:**

I'm here; nice find, Riley. This seems like a lovely brunch spot. Even the queue is relatively short.

 **You:**

We don't need to queue, the place doesn't usually take reservations, but the owner's a friend of Bozer's from back in his cook days, they used to work the line together. Just give them my name. I'll be there in five.

 **Beth Taylor:**

I'm just coming up to the place now. Thanks for organizing this, Riley! After my crazy shifts this week, I really needed something to help me relax!

* * *

You, Beth, Penny:

 **You:**

Bozer says that Mac's working on that bike of his- Beth, do you want me to ask him to take some pics for you?

 **Beth Taylor:**

This couldn't just wait until we got out of the dressing rooms?

 **You:**

It's important and an emergency! ;)

 **Beth Taylor:**

If I thought that was an important emergency, I'd never have made it through the first year of my residency.

And I'm good. Reality photos. Besides, I think that'd make Bozer die of embarrassment, and I've sworn to do no harm. Or at the very least, he'd demand brain bleach and I don't think even Mac could make that.

 **Penny Parker:**

Bleach and Mac doing his mechanic thing reminds me- Do you have trouble getting grease stains out of your clothes like I did?

 **You:**

…

I'm totally re-evaluating everything I thought about high school Mac now.

 **Penny Parker:**

Nothing like what you're thinking, Riley! We were DEFINITELY a high-school, first-relationship kind of couple. Didn't get past first base. Bozer used to have the same problem from working on projects with him!

No, I was just remembering the time that he tricked out my car for my 17th, and he was working on it until pretty much the last minute- I ended up hugging him half to death and the resultant grease stains ruined my favourite shirt. (He was really apologetic and puppy-like about that.)

 **Beth Taylor:**

Mac came up with a really great grease-stain remover quite a while back. He's added it to his and Bozer's laundry detergent, and also to mine, so it's all good. (Though, unfortunately, far too late for your beloved shirt :(. I'd ask him about a time machine, but I think the time-space continuum has to take priority.)

 **You:**

He made this detergent that turned a whole load of Bozer's laundry pink once and couldn't work out how to reverse it, so I think you might have gotten lucky, Penny.

 **Penny Parker:**

I would totally rock the all-pink look. Not sure if Bozer would, though, TBH.

 **You:**

Apparently Mac's building a giant house of cards now…Jack's taking photos. Here's one.

 **Beth Taylor:**

Ooh! Applied Newtonian physics!

 **Penny Parker:**

Where did he get all of those cards from?

 **Beth Taylor:**

We went to Wal-Mart last week and they were on special- 50% off if you bought them by the pallet.

 **Penny Parker:**

…And you let him buy a pallet?

 **Beth Taylor:**

Two, actually. He turned the other one into a new coffee table for me- it makes a great conversation piece!

 **Penny Parker:**

What happened to your old coffee table?

 **You:**

Mac happened to it, aided and abetted by her. They are terrifying partners-in-mad-science, Penny.

 **Penny Parker:**

I'm getting scary and adorkable visions of the future. ;)

Shoes next?

 **You:**

No heels for me…but I could do with a pair of new boots.

 **Beth Taylor:**

I want to buy a pair of very cheap stilettos.

 **Penny Parker:**

Fine with me, as long as you don't tell me what you plan to use them for in detail.

 **You:**

I'm with Penny on this one. We have some boundaries- generalities are fine, but NO details. I work with him!

 **Beth Taylor:**

Oh, God, not for that!

We want to test whether you could actually stab someone with the heels. I have to stop by a butcher and pick up some pork, too…though now that I think about it, maybe they can be dual-purpose…I won't say more than that, promise!

* * *

AN: Inspiration for this chapter came from reading somewhere (I can't remember where, sorry!) that Mac fixing a motorbike is worth ogling.


	21. The End of an Era

AN: Thoughts on 1.15, Magnifying Glass at the end of this chapter.

* * *

Movie-Magician-n-Waffle-Wizard:

I'm sad to say that _The Roommate Chronicles,_ as I have christened these little snippets of my life with my roomie, is coming to an end.

As of tomorrow, we will no longer be roomies!

*sniffles*

My roomie and his girl are moving out together, and I'm moving out to live with my computer goddess.

It's been a long time coming, TBH, since for the last six months or so his girl's been living here and I've more or less moved into my computer goddess's place anyway, and of course I'm happy that we have wonderful, stable, functional relationships with very special ladies (I love my computer goddess so, so much!)…but still, feels like the end of an era.

*sniffles again*

I'm gonna miss him SO, SO MUCH!

(He wishes it to be known that the feeling is very mutual, but he wants to remind me that we'll still see plenty of each other after all- being BFFs and all, and his new place has got a fire pit, so DEFINITELY many family fun nights in our future!)

*sniffles yet again*

So it's definitely not goodbye, and it's probably not goodbye to crazy tales of my crazy former roomie and his adventures either…but it's still the end of an era. Almost four and a half amazing years. No more coming home to jury-rigged hot tubs or modified blenders or giant houses of cards for me!

#end of an era #no longer roomies #BFFs #roomies in spirit #always #I love my bro #even though he's crazy #even when he science fails #won't need brain bleach anymore #no more bachelor pad

UPDATE: If me and my former roomie went shopping together for special somethings (expensive and shiny and exceedingly symbolically important special somethings) do you reckon we'll have plausible deniability and even the slightest potential of a surprise? (You know, since if both of us go at once it makes things not exactly clear…Look, you know my computer goddess and my former roomie's girl, you reckon they wouldn't work it out?)

Oh, I wonder if the old man will want to come along too? Maybe it's a little early for him and the boss lady (my computer goddess- and me- were TOTALLY right, even if it took AGES), but you know, they're older, they know what they want and who they are, wasted years, wasted chances…

#looking to the future #love #happily ever after #shopping #they cost HOW MUCH? #no price on love #four Cs #it's important symbolically #romance is not dead #OTPs #slow build

UPDATE: Shout-out to not-miss-moneypenny for offering to run interference…and prevent my computer goddess, my former roomie's girl or the boss lady from reading this post…

#friends forever #awesome friends #silly me #blonde moment #I'm so not blonde #my former roomie is #but still

* * *

AN: Bozer's shipper heart is probably jumping ahead a little, but hey, he's been pretty good at predicting the future, hasn't he? ;)

And pure sugar, I know, but I am a sucker for happily-ever-afters (absurdly happy happily-ever-afters) and I was still dealing with my post-Screwdriver feels when I wrote this. There's one more special chapter to come as an epilogue.

Thoughts on 1.15, Magnifying Glass – loved it, I think it was quite a safe and inoffensive/not risky Team-as-Badass-Family bonding episode, with everyone getting a moment to shine and use their particular skill sets. It was definitely fun.

I have two fics coming up, both for Valentine's Day. One is a _Paperclip Charms_ special, the other is _There's Something About MacGyver,_ or, the life of Mac and friends as a rom-com.

Problem: I have no valentine. Solution: Improvise and give my favourite fictional characters valentines instead.

I'm no Mac, but…not bad, eh? ;)


	22. An Interview with Bozer

**Entertainment Weekly, Issue 2, 2031**

This week's exclusive: an interview with Wilt Bozer, the director of Golden Globe-winning, Oscar-nominated _A Paperclip Chain_!

The young director taking Hollywood by storm talks about:

The inspiration behind this film, which was fifteen years in the making! (And went through many incarnations, including the lawsuit-triggering original working title _Love, Veritably_!) The story behind the film's unusual title! His desire to make it a true slice-of-life film: part-war story, part-drama, part-rom-com, built on a foundation of the importance and power of friendship, this critically-acclaimed hit has it all! The controversial defamation lawsuit being brought by Google exec Nikki Carpenter!

PLUS:

We chat to the film's stars- Lucas Till, George Eads, Tristin Mays, Justin Hires and Sandrine Holt!

* * *

AN: Yes, I couldn't resist that meta joke. You can assume that in this universe, the actors are all about fifteen years younger than they are in reality. Ergo, there's probably some sort of moment in which thirty-something Penny texts Riley and Beth and Bozer and is like 'This young actor TOTALLY looks JUST LIKE teenage Mac!'


End file.
